Importance of Resistance

We resist most what we desire most.

Let those words sink into the depths of your being.

Stop reading on for a few minutes… what are you becoming aware of?

Is there any truth in this statement? Or not… Let it stay between you and you. Each of us knows this, deep in our soul, that delicate truth which we often tangle up, so we pretend it's not there. Because untangling all that, our own beliefs, habits, emotions, thoughts... it is a lot of work. It's difficult. It actually seems impossible.

I resist the loss, the sadness of emptiness and the certainty of the end. At the same time, I resist owning something, possessing. I cannot have what I want because I resist the possible loss of it.

And then we put that entangled hank aside and sink into a gentle, hazy oblivion, slightly resisting to even look in that direction. Until something forces us, some relationships that we can't fix no matter what we do, some boring job that has nothing to do with the purpose of life...

Then we go to therapy. We ask for help to untie the tangle because... it doesn't work like this anymore. And so, thread by thread, something here and there begins to unravel, until we reach the tangle in the tangle. Well, that knot is strong, wherever I pull it, it doesn't move, in fact it seems to tighten even more.

Resistance is growing. Frustration fizzes. Defense mechanisms are raised and hardened as the knot itself. We have fallen into our own trap, between need and longing on the one hand and resistance on the other. The wish to move and the urge to stay in place. We're stuck again.

Resistance is greatly important. It always points to a very deep tender and vulnerable place within us. It is the place where we would like to spend the least amount of time, and yet there lies the solution to that tangled knot.

Then we reach for projections. It is easier that someone else carries our feelings and pain. Much easier! Hmmm… does it last, does it work? Maybe for a little while. Honestly, we will recognize the restlessness in ourselves and that is where the temporary relief ends.

We can't get out of bed. We don't feel like going to that job where the stupid boss bullies everyone. We don't even want to go home after work to a tasteless married life and the roles that bring along the burden of obligations.

Resistance….

Resistance to what we are not. Resistance to what we are.

Where am I in all this?

There is no other way… there is no other way, outside of the present moment.

Only in the present moment can resistance be dismantled. Only in that millisecond when we face what we are resisting, the shell of resistance can begin to crackle, to break, to allow alternately darkness and light through its cracks.

Because whenever we feel sluggish, apathetic, sleepy and depressed, it is good to ask ourselves what is not moving inside me, what am I resisting.... transiency, aging, self-acceptance, loss, feelings, regret, despair, anger, death, life... what am I resisting?

When I tell a person in a therapeutic environment to accept this present moment and all the misery the one is in, the person inevitably looks at me with stupefaction and thinks: "She is not normal." Most of us think: If I accept this situation, nothing will change! I'm going to sink even more; I have to fight it somehow... and then we start fighting the resistance. Resistance against resistance.

In some approaches to personal development, struggle, good feelings, positivity are preferred. I have nothing against a healthy life force full of joy.

But, as Jung said, you don't get there by imagining beings of light. You get there by going through resistance, through the darkness that becomes conscious.

This is how a sovereign being is born in us again. If we skip this step, we remain long-term dependent on therapists, trainers and couches in order to feel strength and willpower, enthusiasm and drive. We do not become a sovereign being.

A good business model. But not a model for freedom and sovereignty of the human being.

When going through resistance and through the circumstances we resist, the support is essential. Let's just not confuse  it for a mere cheering to be something we are still not at that moment, like it might be someone who jumps out of bed and runs to work, enthusiastically coming home to cook dinner and kiss their partner.

It sounds good, but it is not always so.

Resistance is an inevitable phenomenon in life. It is not going anywhere, nor will fear or sadness, or any other unpleasant feeling. Life is made of what we like and what we would rather not have at all.

Resistance requires us to open up.

Opening up to the new, sometimes unpleasant, sometimes even pleasant, unknown and uncertain. Opening up to something we are usually closed to. It requires us to remain open, for a longer time than usual, to something that we are not used to and that brings us some kind of unease. As a bottleneck, resistance is actually a gateway to acceptance and opening up… opening up to tolerating one's own feelings of anxiety, inadequacy, insecurity, indecision. We tolerate and exist with these feelings, not because they bring us to the abyss and helplessness (which is a common belief), but because they carry us to a place of expansion within the body and mind, because they carry us to peace, tranquility, acceptance of what is. And when we don't resist these feelings, we also accept our strength and beauty that emerge after the resistance.

All in all, it's worth it.