We don't get what we want…
...we get what we need
Back to the "defeat and surrender” story of the next morning.
I was back to the Casa, main hall at 7am, day after I was " abandoned and defeated" by the Spirit. With my ego bruised, but calmed down, I surrendered finally. I did not know anything. Neither why I am here, neither what is about to happen next, neither if anything at all will be revealed to me. I set in silence, with my eyes closed, feeling it all: defeat, surrender and peace. Wonder how is it possible to feel all at the same time? I have no answer to your question.
As announcements emanated form the stage and monitors of the room reminded people that Silence is the Prayer, I sank into my depths. The inside darkness of my body gave insight to what was happening. I felt sensations in my nose and forehead, my cheek, sinus area on the right side of my face. I felt the work of the Spirits has already started, before the line was called in, even before the door to the medium room was open. I felt weak and slightly dizzy, wondering if I will be able to make it to the spiritual intervention room once my line is called.
This experience lasted for I don't know how long, as it happened out of time and space. My bodily sensations are the only proof they happened, and to me that is more than enough. I felt that Spirits did the intervention medium Joao sometimes does to people that volunteer for visible surgeries: he sticks the instrument deep into the nostril and turns it around. I felt how that procedure affected my entire brain and went down the spinal cord. That moment, I realized how nervous and skeletal systems are the most important systems as they are like bed of a river, one side providing contact with the world of Spirit (nervous) and another with the world of matter (skeletal). At that time I perceived the liquid, crystal like energy coming down from the spiritual realms. When it solidifies, it becomes crystal stone (that is why they have so many big crystal rocks in the Casa! Even in the ground, under the property is a big bed of crystal rocks).
And on and on it went. By the time my line was called in (and the intervention line is the very first that goes in) I was almost done with my spiritual surgery. Of course, you never know where and when the Spirits will get inspired again:). But for that day it was enough. I spent 24 hours in my room, as recommended, resting, sleeping and feeling very weak. The work continued and insights kept coming in.
Obviously, I did not get what I initially wanted, neither on a way I planed. But, apparently, I did get what I needed. And what we need might look very different from a higher perspective of the helping spirits not incarnated in any limiting belief system.
I got the most important answer of all: the cause of my physical illness in the past, my confusions in the presence and all the obstacles I encounter, is resistance.
Resistance to surrender to life, to my calling, to Divine plan; resistance I have towards the Divine for seemingly outcasting me from the spiritual worlds, resistance to be in this world and surrender to its experiences.
Believe me, it sums up all the questions I wanted to ask that day when I was turned away. They don't even seem important anymore. The cause is much more important than any direct answer my questions could have. Actually, I would be misled by it, and it would make me stay in " fixing" mode of my life, trying superficially to make things work and life go on.
I got to the root cause of not letting go, unforgiving, stagnation, physical illness.
I am sharing all of this with you not because I have a new esoteric story I want to use to get your attention. It is actually humiliating for the ego, but liberating for the soul, to expose myself in front of others. Maybe I will be misunderstood, maybe I will be welcomed. I don't know.
It is about surrender again.
I just hope this story will inspire you to look for primary, deep cause of your discomfort or dis-ease, and not just to look for “quick fix” for apparently big problems of your life. I hope it will remind you that when things in life don’t go the way you want them, than perhaps, just perhaps there is something else you actually need.
Mangoes in front of my window are getting yellowish with rosy cheeks. They are more ripe than when I came here twelve days ago.
And so am I.
Abadiania, November 29, 2015.