Darkness and Light of the Human Existance

I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love are all in the waiting. 
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Life is unpredictable, as most of us have learned by now. Despite the fact that we work on ourselves, evolve and intend to be more conscious and loving human beings, we do get, occasionally, swept away by anger, pain, hatred or revenge. Most of us who do some kind of transformational work do not dwell on daily basis in these kind of energies. But life happens, we slip and fall in the midst of hurricane of lower self, rage and desire to hurt. 
However, those emotions almost never stand by themselves, they are usually “justified” by standing for our personal truth, strong sense of justice and just plain “damn you” attitude that is in the service of protecting the wounded ego.
Indeed, it is hard to get the hold of the usual self ground, back to the heart and love when vileness strikes. “Hm, love, yeah, right”, I hear most of you saying. “When somebody is taking advantage of me, trying to cheat and think I am stupid not to see what is really going on, I sure will love them.”
And I hear you. You sound so right. To be angry and ready to hurt moves us from the role of victim to perpetrator, from helpless to powerful again. 
As most of us know, when cool headed, this attitude will not lead to any resolution, but more entanglement, pain and almost feverish state of mind that will eventually exhaust us. 
So what do you do? 
First thing - stop.  
Second thing - wait.
Third thing - reach out to people that share common ground with your higher self, are ready to support you without judgement and keep the light on while you struggle with your own darkness and the darkness of the people around you.
As Eliot said in his poem cited above: “Be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing”. So true. In this kind of situations we hope for the wrong things and we love wrong things to happen, obviously, to the people seemingly on the opposite side. And honestly, a lot of it comes from the wound and pain we carry inside of us that is not healed yet. Some people just pass by and trigger it…and we get reminded that we are not so enlightened, peaceful and full of love. It takes split of a second to turn from an angel into a demon. And do you know, how many times I have heard from people in everyday life, or on our workshops: I don’t hate anybody. Disregarding on our conscious decision not to hate, which is extremely important, the capacity to hate and get revenge exists inside of all of us. 
That’s why it is important to step on break and make the a conscious decision between love and hate in these real life situations, which is not easy at all.
So “wait without thought as you are not ready for thought”. Our thoughts are nightmare in these kind of situations and would definitely lead to wrong intentions and hurtful actions.
We keep waiting and standing in this darkness until it becomes the light, as Eliot writes.  But, again, it does not happen on its own. We need to press the break and make a choice: do we want to change something and make a difference or we want to continue to keep putting power, strength and energy in the wrong place. In the latter case, we keep fueling the conflict inside ourselves, inside our family and we keep contributing to the wars and violence in the world. What is war other than wrong, hateful, angry thoughts and intentions not stopped on time.
It is the silence inside of ourselves that can accommodate inner voice of wisdom to emerge, supported by external voice of friendship and understanding, that helps us come back to our hearts, to have understanding (not justification) for what others are doing, to move to healthy instead of toxic ground.
When soul moves to the new ground  “darkness shell be the light, and the stillness the dancing.” 
It is all about taking conscious responsibility on moment to moment bases, as the capacity to love and hatred will always exist. It is up to us which reservoir we will chose to fill up.
May compassion, understanding and love prevail,
Katarina Subotich


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