the last year seems to be spilling out in this new, 2017. The fruits of different choices, personal and collective, are ripening and manifesting now in January. Therefore, these days yet don’t really seem like a new beginning, at least to me, but rather as the end of ends.
I am sitting on the porch and thinking about my neighbor who left his body a few weeks ago, after relatively short illness….cancer. I am thinking about another neighbor, who just started her battle with cancer; she lives next door to the neighbor who passed away. And I am asking myself what is going on, why the epidemics of cancer, where is that all coming from; what are we humans doing wrong, or not doing at all, or doing too much, to have such a crazy illness after us?
In that very moment, I thought to myself: the very same defense mechanism, which helped us survive traumas and uncomfortable experiences from childhood, kills us at the end. As children, we don’t have a choice but to dent our own consciousness and energy in order to survive impacts from the environment. And that’s more or less, the only thing we can do at the time. Despite all the accidents we go through, the little, green plant of our life continues to sprout. Nevertheless, as time passes by, the same body of our vehicle (read defense mechanism) keeps rusting and rotting, and we with it.
My neighbor Juan was originally from Dominican Republic. He lived here alone, in one studio, and supported himself, and his daughters back home, by selling books in various schools. He was very lonely, but also very determined to persevere in it. He insisted on isolation, even from his own kids, so he could support them. A paradox…and most of us live a life of many paradoxes.
At that moment I realized that cancer is illness of isolation. If we look into what is happening on the physiological level, we will encounter exactly that: lack of contact and isolation. The cancerous cells lost all contact with the other communities of the cells that make up the organism. When brain sends the negative feedback and says: “There is enough of you now, stop multiplying”, the rebellious group of cells does not hear this information. They keep growing in number, spreading around, until they cause havoc in the whole organism. They go out of control. At that moment, we start to feel helpless and fearful in front of the uncontrollable demon, who is, believe it or not, made of us, our own cells. We have nowhere to run away or hide, but to face our isolated and disconnected part. And those malignant cells, by some wonder, keep on gaining strength, while we are feeling weaker and weaker.
It also feels like that those cells are fueled by self hatred - we begin to hate ourselves because we are not valuable, nor capable, to have contact, attention and love. It feels like something is wrong with us. And we become desperate, and more desperate and end up in a black hole.
Something similar happened to some of us in the early childhood. Contact in our family was uncomfortable, often violent, and scary. Part of the consciousness had to split (soul loss), because if we stayed whole, we would not be able to survive the intensity of the events we were exposed to. And I am not talking here only about the physical violence: abandonment, lack of contact, support and presence fall into this category. We have learned very early to separate from this type of the environment: if we couldn’t do it physically, at least we managed to do it energetically and psychologically. In close and extended family of some of us, isolation rules….there is simply no contact, no communication. We meet on the cementeries, when we attend a funeral.
Microcosms of our body, the way cells behave, reflects our macrocosm and the relationship of the whole organism with the environment. Believe me, you will never go wrong in discovering the cause of your illness if you make parallel between inner and outer. In the essence, there is no difference between the two.
And so, my friend Juan, from the first floor, never returned to Dominican Republic, even when he was physically able to, to see his daughters that he missed so much. He collapsed in front of his defense mechanism, such a marvelous creation that always comes up with brilliant reasons to justify its action.
I am glad I was of some use to one lonely soul, through the healings I did on him and meals we shared. Last time I went to hospital to visit him, he held my hand for a whole hour I was there. The presence of the family that was already on the other side was tangibly felt in the room. His grandmother, who loved him dearly, was there, and he himself mentioned his father, who, as he said, was touching his legs, just like when he was a kid. It felt like that his hand in mine, made an anchor in this world, so his soul could start building the bridge towards his family on the other side of the rainbow.
I ask myself, where am I in all of this?
I feel sadness, unease around the fact that death is inevitable, but also I feel hope. My dear friends, this work we do on ourselves is priceless. It doesn’t mean that we will become immortal by going through process work. But we are definitely changing our own lives, and drawing the maps that are not in our natal neither solar charts. We are creating new reality. And for sure we are practicing the most effective form of preventative medicine. We are facing all those things before the last grain of sand runs out of hourglass.
The connection with the self, with the other living beings and the environment, is the most effective medicine against many modern diseases. And dose of that medicine we can administer to ourselves on daily bases.
At least, we owe so much to ourselves. Out of self love.
And happy new beginnings, which seem to be starting a bit later this year.
p.s. All statements in the above text are my personal. I have no intention of making new age diagnoses for any illness. I hope that this will inspire you to dive deep into yourself and discover your disconnected and isolated parts, as we all have them, in bigger or lesser doses. Every condition is multi-layered and more complex that this blog can ever include.