A bird on the window

For me, an insight is a point of refraction of two realities: the ephemeral, physical reality which is defined by time and place, and that other reality which is eternal, wise and infinite. It is a phenomenon that allows me to experience both realities at the same time, a place where illusion and reality touch and create the "aha" moment in the consciousness of a human.
 
I want to share with you one of these interesting experiences; a moment when knowledge and teaching come from all the living creatures that surround us. There are a lot of these insights in a day, we only need to pay attention and open up to them, in fact to be mindfully present. 
 
At first I was stunned, and then I instinctively grabbed a camera hoping to capture a magical photograph of the bird. When I saw it close up, desperately pecking at its reflection on the glass, thinking it was its mother, suddenly I was overwhelmed with sorrow. After I had taken several photos I returned to the room, but I still felt sad. 
 
I felt that the scene I have seen introduced me into the experience. I began to wonder what does all of this have to do with me. In order to get to the insight, I knew that a strong desire for an answer must be silenced and I just have to let go and wait. I continued to work.
 
Moments like these have happened before, when I used to receive insights in some strange way. It always happens unexpectedly and in somewhat unique way. 
 
After some time, and not thinking any more about what happened, all of a sudden it came to me - I saw myself as that bird! Being under pressure from the interior "hunger" (the need for contact, touch, etc.), I saw just what I was hoping for and not what was actually in front of me - just like the bird that pecked at its reflection on the glass. 
 
Most of my life, I was not at all aware that I had needs. When for the first time I was asked "What do you need," I just got lost. I was completely confused, because no one has ever asked me that question before. Never in my life. I didn’t know the answer. 
 
For a long time I had only one goal: to get the internal tension released, to feel peace and finally satisfy my hunger, but for what? The feeling that I needed something, but not really knowing what that was, used to be very disturbing. 
 
From this position, one has to make wrong choices and decisions being under pressure of the compulsion which seeks a solution "here and now". I felt defeated, and powerless to satisfy my needs, which repeatedly requested to see the light of day, but at the same time, which were so far from my consciousness. 
 
I became aware of the persistent and desperate sticking to what I thought I needed, without seeing that I was merely "pecking" the contour which vaguely resembled that something I longed for. 
 
I felt compassion towards myself because I devoted a big part of my life effort into knocking on the wrong door, driven by internal hunger. I felt sorry for myself. 
 
How many humans do the same thing, and how much do we suffer not knowing what we really need? I clearly saw the connection between unmet needs on the one hand, and the frustration and aggression that we often project on the environment, on the other. 
 
Are we actually aware that these replacements, which can’t satisfy our hunger, represent something that we employed in order to make the internal pressure eased? Which is the price of these pseudo-solutions that only hurt us over and over and keep us trapped in a vicious circle? 
 
I feel deeply the importance of working on one’s self. 
 
Emotional reactions (as in my personal example) are like a gold mine. They keep the answers we're looking for at a deeper level. 
 
What would this planet look like if only more people would become aware of the infinite depths of their own souls, because what we mainly build our reality on is based on the response from the wounds, colored by the experiences from the past... 
 
We don’t even reach our essence because we're too busy with the surface, with what we think we are, thus staying away for hundreds of light years from ourselves.
 
Atila
 

Comments

Atila I am so very proud and blessed to have you in my life and for having spent time with you and learnig to open up to my self and accecpting my challanges ..you are my Knight in shinning amor ,you are my friend and you my Adi.I have enjoyed your Bird in the window it is beautifuly writen ..your expression of self is emotional and very human . Love You From Candice

Dear Candice,I saw your comment just now..I shall say to you only this, I am gratefull, touched, for our friendship and for who you are....With love,Atila

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