Refresh Your Life e-Magazine
Date of issue:
I am sitting at one of the many shores wallowed by the Atlantic Ocean and watching the wide, vast body of water in front of me. It is ruffling and rippling, rising with a new wave, sprinkling tiny drops all over, falling down foaming on sand and calmly rolling down to my feet. The water is so spontaneous, full of rises and falls, in constant movement and change. It reminds me of the saying: "there is no status quo in the Universe." There really isn’t; each of us can confirm that from our own experience.
Well, what's the difference between me (and more or less all human beings) and water? It is so spontaneous, I am so cautious, it is so free, and me ... well, I recoil more often than I should; it is so liquid and moving, me - sometimes like that, and sometimes stagnant. In any case, our qualities overlap occasionally, but often differ.
Among us, people, there is suspension - a moment when you stop, think, and think some more, than you wander off, than you do not know what to do and then you get in conflict with yourself and in confusion with the whole world.
At the same time, while being at the shore, I am thinking about this topic: Say No, open up for Yes ... I am watching the water and I see that we diverge.
Water is moving quickly and does not think. Even when seemingly calm, it moves. It doesn’t have time to think and say no or yes. It is so spontaneous that simply lives in a moment, and that moment is the only truth that is.
On the other hand, we, humans have lost our spontaneity. We become what we think, we think about what we don’t want but we have to ... we are lost.
Since we are already sandwiched between No and Yes, let's look at how it is actually to be in that place. Somewhere in between, when we still do not have the courage to say No, but at the same time Yes is so uncertain, and often completely unknown, so that we simply do not know what are we saying Yes to.
Not all No(s) are negative by nature. It is a good thing to say No to an unhealthy relationship, to a bad habit (smoking, addiction, etc.). Saying Yes to these things is bad for us in most cases. This means that not every Yes is a positive thing.
It is easier to say No to some things, projects or people, and to others, by goodness, it is not so easy, even though they are a bad choice for us. The game between positive and negative is like a swing.
We cannot say Yes before we say No. We cannot appear in one place, before physically leaving the other. Each No carries in itself the end of something. To really sort out this No, it depends, among other things, on how much we are willing to deal with the loss. And that is the hard part that we think of, we go one step forward, two steps back, and we get stuck. Therefore, we postpone the No and the separation, to wait a little bit, if, maybe, the things would change.
A loss is inevitable. Everything in this world has a beginning, as well as the end. It sounds paradoxical, but each Yes contains in itself the end and the loss, and in some ways a No.
No is not always voluntary; it is very difficult to say No, especially in close relationships. We understand rationally that it is not good for us to say Yes in some cases, to stay in some situations and relationships. We say No dozens of times a day in our heads, but we are still here ... in a Yes. Therefore, I will say it again: there is no point to say Yes, if we did not really say No before it. It is better to wait until a No grows mature, rather than to declare a Yes that we cannot live.
This inability for No to come to life is not there by accident. It is likely that there is some reason why we are still inside some situations, why something has not been completed and, of course, there is something that we still need to learn.
Some No(s) are inevitable. As are some Yes(es).
Yes often brings a new stage of life, a new experience. There is even a freshness that is felt in the air as I write these letters about a Yes. As if, a Yes pulls onward (when in a positive sense) and leaves pain and discomfort behind. One feels like a snake changing its slough – the old one falls off, remains behind, while the snake moves forward with fresh, soft and young new skin. This new skin is sensitive, likewise a Yes brings a new territory that is unexplored, unknown. A Yes can be flavored with adventure, open spirit that is ready to soar to the heights.
If a Yes cannot come to life, it means that a No has not yet ended. Sometimes a Yes can bring the lightness, particularly when we have survived the weight of a No. Saying Yes to life requires great courage. We all want to feel alive... but, are we willing to give, or do, whatever it takes to feel alive?
The other day I read Rumi's quote: "Be like a tree - let the dead leaves fall." If a tree had been holding to the old leaves, the new would never have grown. In nature, a Yes and a No are so spontaneous, so natural, inevitable as if they were happening upon procedure by some higher intelligence. Neither a tree nor any other plant fights the laws of nature. It merely surrenders to the rhythm of life.
For the majority of us people, surrendering is the last option. Often identified with weakness, lack of will, with a weak character, we resort to surrendering when we are already well exhausted with the struggle, push-pull mechanism and all the other tricks that our mind performs masterfully.
Surrendering brings peace. It brings balance between Yes and No and serenity in that space in between, which often carries most tensions. In the moments when we do not know, we are not sure, we don’t dare, we're afraid ... let us stop. Breathe deeply. Let us allow ourselves not to know, not to dare. Allow ourselves to feel "lost."
Only then will life have a chance to lead us in the right direction - the direction of our soul’s cravings. In the direction of the purpose for which we were born to live. Towards the birth of our essence and its manifestation in this world.
Sparkling seawater is touching my feet and reminding me that I am not alone in this space in-between. Here it is, the water that reminds me that everything changes and goes away. That everything is ok, the way it is. That the flow, the life, is perfect with all its rises and falls, as it is with each wave on its surface.
Deep, deep, far below its wavy surface, the water is calm.
Let us all find peace between Yes and No, the space in between in which the breath combines the duality and all becomes one.
Psycho-energetics Therapist and Brennan energetic-therapy Practitioner
Translated by Dragana Zarevac
Published in: Refresh Your Life e-Magazine